Half a century of me
Reflections on turning 50. Plus, the Antidote #39: a new variant, wearable devices, and spelling bees.
The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.
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Fifty is gifty
Next week, I turn 50.
I’ve been trying to think of how to craft a post around this, and the truth is, I feel…somewhat uninspired.
It’s not because I don’t have thoughts about the matter. It’s more because I feel put off by the “I’ve hit this very round-numbered age and so all of a sudden I have wisdom to share that will change lives.”
Don’t get me wrong - I am celebrating, and for an entire weekend. This is because life is short and I love a socially sanctioned reason to have fun (people expect you to do something special for these round-numbered birthdays, and who am I to disappoint people?).
I don’t have much advice for you younger folks wondering what changes you by 50. I haven’t got this all figured out (who TF does?).
I prefer to head into 50 with more humility and gratitude.
There were days during 44/45 when I did not think I’d live to see 45/46, let alone 50. The feeling that evil aliens had inhabited my body and were actually killing me was super real. I felt things physically that I did not ever think were biologically possible, and that was not at all comforting. In fact, it was panic- and fear-inducing.
On top of expectations related to long COVID, there’s the fact that family history is not on my side (nor that of my sibs).
Our parents lived to 60 (dad) and 57 (mom). Obviously, no one knew that mid-life for them was late twenties or 30. I think each of my sibs has probably wondered if we are doomed. My two oldest brothers have thankfully blown by 60, though they are not without their health issues. My sister only recently surpassed by mom’s age at the time of her death. I’m happy to report that she’s in excellent health. Another brother is in his 50’s and has had some very significant heart issues/surgeries and one related near-death experience.
My parents were nowhere near what anyone would consider healthy people. They both ate poorly, were overweight, didn’t exercise, were clinically depressed (in hindsight), and my mom smoked. To the extent that our health is within our control (obviously not entirely; I wrote a post about that here), they took their hands off the wheel many years prior to their deaths.
I’d say up until 44 and the internal sci-fi experience that was long COVID, any worry I had that biology was destiny was a fleeting thought at best. I ate healthfully and regularly exercised, and thus was not too worried about meeting the same fate as mom and pops. But we know that sometimes even the healthiest among us fall ill. We are not as bulletproof as we sometimes like to think.
Ugh, where am I going with this Debbie downer spiral?
I think where I intend to land is that ultimately, I am really happy to be turning 50. Getting to age is indeed a gift. I could have easily never gotten to this point.
Whether my life is mostly over by this age or only half over (wouldn’t that be something?), from this point on, it’s all gravy.
I say that because despite some periods of bad fortune in my life, I have been lucky to:
know true love
know lasting love
know loyalty, deep kindness, integrity - in myself and in others
know the love and acceptance of family
travel, both in the U.S. and abroad
hike the most beautiful landscapes in the U.S.
have had a rewarding professional arc
be a pet parent many times over
have my character, work ethic, and sense of fun shaped by decades of a team sport
call perhaps an unusually large number of people true friends
really love my parents-in-law
have a steady roof over my head, the current one being my dream home (if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would not move (Baldy might though 🤭))
experience and love sarcasm, wit, comedy, laughter
be a beast at Scrabble
find an outlet for my voice here on Substack
have ‘pluck’ (n: courage or resolution in the face of difficulties)
I think that covers the biggies.
Oh wait, I forgot a few.
I’m happy to report that I’m now also able to:
KICK!
STRETCH! and…
KICK!
Here’s to the next 50!
COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS
🦠 New COVID variant: it’s called NB.1.8.1 and has been detected in the U.S.— here’s what to know. It’s more transmissible, according to Huff Post.
🚸 Long COVID in children: now the most common chronic illness.
💉 Vaccine fuckery: RFK Jr. cuts COVID-19 vaccine recommendation for healthy kids, pregnant women. And here is a reaction to that by clinicians. And then the CDC announced it was still recommending childhood COVID vaccines, despite RFK announcement. Oh, and COVID vaccine guidance in pregnancy has shifted — but the science hasn't. And naturally, COVID vaccine changes confuse and upset some parents and families. Also understandably, CDC official overseeing COVID-19 vaccine recommendations resigns. And lastly, will you be able to get a COVID-19 shot? Are you dizzy yet? 😵💫
🔒 Lockdowns: Five years on, here’s what happened in the countries that never locked down for Covid-19.
🌍 Pandemic treaty: the first ever. But will it mean anything?
👎🏼 Long COVID studies:
details in her post My beef with Long COVID trials the significant problems with these from a patient perspective. Absolutely preposterous and infuriating!🗞️ Long COVID Weekly: from fitness to recovery. Y’all,
and the crew are close to 5,000 subscribers at the Long COVID Weekly - the best source for summaries of studies related to long COVID and similar illnesses. Give them a subscribe; they bust their butts.🩸 Thoracic Outlet Syndrome: common in ME/CFS, this is when the nerves, veins, or arteries get compressed as they pass through the thoracic outlets, leading to blood flow and numbness issues in the torso and arms. This piece in Health Rising was fascinating to me, because my arms go numb very quickly when I raise them up.
⚕️ GLP1 Agonists: An Exciting New Class of Drugs For ME/CFS, FM and Long COVID?
🥩 Carnivore diets and LC/ME: why they could backfire.
Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources
👩🏼💻 RECOVER seminar: join RECOVER for the next R3 Seminar, Long COVID after SARS-CoV-2 During Pregnancy, to be held Tuesday, June 10, 2025, at 12:00-1:30 pm ET. Register here.
🤖 AI and Long COVID: a RTHM webinar on transforming care in infection-associated chronic conditions on Thursday, June 12, 4pm ET. Register here.
🩻 Menopause joint issues: a webinar by Let’s Talk Menopause called Joint Pain, Frozen Shoulder, Strength Training, and Menopause: A “Sorely” Needed Conversation, to be held on June 16th at 12pm ET. Register here.
🚶🏼 Pacing: Solve M.E. is hosting their EmPOWER M.E. event called “Pacing: Power In Slowing Down” on Friday, June 27 starting at 1pm ET. There are three distinct sessions, so check it out and register here.
😢 Coping emotionally: Dr. Eleanor Stein’s video tip of the month for May is on How to Cope Emotionally With Chronic Health Conditions. You can watch it at this link, along with past videos.
Health miscellany
🤳🏼 Wearable devices: Do Apple Watches, Oura rings, and glucose monitors make us healthier? I don’t think it’s good for any of us to be watching our bodies like hawks. I took my LC-related wearables off over a year ago and have made the most strides since then.
🥖 Carbs:
with why you should eat them.🧠 Alzheimer’s: new developments in predicting and preventing it with
.😓 Government fuckery: first, we go local. Texas Senate passes bill defining genders by biological sex. And Utah lawmakers’ own study found gender-affirming care benefits transgender youth, but of course, now they’re going to ignore the findings. Sticking with trans issues, we turn nationally: trans people on Medicaid face a horrifying future under Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill'. This impacts friends of mine and I’m horrified for them. Also nationally, Diseases are spreading. The CDC isn’t warning the public like it was months ago. Is it any wonder American doctors look to relocate to Canada to avoid the Trump administration?!
🍦 Emulsifiers in food: the ingredients that keep ice cream from melting may cause a variety of health problems.
💊 Expiration dates: If these items are in your medicine cabinet, it's time to throw them away.
☠️ Ongoing genocide: majority of medical equipment supplies at 'stock zero' in Gaza, WHO says.
😔 Mental health for mothers: “Between 2016 and 2023, mental health significantly declined among mothers in the U.S., according to a study published yesterday in JAMA Internal Medicine. And while the decline happened broadly across socioeconomic groups, mental and physical health were significantly lower among single mothers, those with less education, with publicly insured or uninsured kids, and those born in the U.S.”
♿ Mental health and disability:
with a short, terrific post to help folks with disability who may be in need of mental health care.🥑 Olive Oil vs Avocado Oil: Which Is Better?
🎭 Health in the arts: Turning to art to support health is not a new idea, but it is gaining traction in some countries in which doctors already prescribe dance or museum visits to manage mental health or chronic pain. Read more here.
Inspiration & Recovery
🤹🏼♂️ Chronic skillness:
with a fantastic post on all of the skills we chronically ill folks have developed and honed.🤤 Mmmm, brownies:
lives with ME/CFS and has created an incredible cookbook (so inspiring!) that I’ve pre-ordered just so I could get this mouth-watering almond butter brownie recipe. You will just have to pre-order yours today if you want the recipe!🎶 Deaf K-pop group: I saw this article and found these guys intriguing! K-pop's first deaf group Big Ocean breaks barriers.
🧘🏽 Somatic tracking for Long COVID and ME/CFS:
☺️ The brain creates what we expect - so expect better!
📺 What I’ve watched: this past week I watched Pee Wee as Himself, the two-part docuseries on Max with hours of interviews and archival material of Paul Reubens, who was dying during the making of it, but the director didn’t know. He is super irreverent and cheeky during the interviews, which was really fun. Also, the wonderful
turned me on to the Luther Vandross documentary, called Luther: Never Too Much, also on Max, which was at once beautiful and sad. It sent me down a YouTube rabbit hole and I found this gorgeous rendition of Endless Love that he did with a young Mariah Carey:🤔 Trouble making hard choices? Try thinking less.
🗣️ Want to cut through small talk? Try asking a 'magical question'.
🪙 Penny for your thoughts: US Treasury confirms the end of production of new pennies. Also, so what happens to America’s 114 billion pennies once the US stops making them?
🐝 Spelling bee magic: Faizan Zaki, 13, rebounds from stunning gaffe to win National Spelling Bee crown. As a former spelling bee champ myself (was the school champ my last year in elementary school, then school champ for both of my years of middle school before advancing to regionals and then placing 9th in the Long Island finals), I found Confessions Of A Spelling Bee Pronouncer particularly intriguing. Especially since my loss came down to my coach having mispronounced my losing word during our practice sessions 🤦🏼♀️.
🦅 Eagle nest: check out this live cam from Big Bear Valley in California. So cool!
🌌 The Milky Way: check out these stunning 2025 winning photographs.
🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: SpaceX's Starship spins out of control after flying past points of previous failures. Could there be a more ironic metaphor for the childish implosion of the Musk/Trump bizarro love affair? I’m going with no. Also going with Elon as this week’s buffoon. Anyone who willingly gets into bed with Trump deserves to have their rockets crash and their stocks tank.
🏆 Winner of the week: some may call them has-beens, but I happen to love them. This week’s winners are the Gin Blossoms, who are performing at the pre-Congressional Baseball game to push for patients’ rights on behalf of the nonprofit organization Power to the Patients.
🐈⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Hijinks and cuteness.
Happy Belated Birthday, Amy! xo
Happy BIRTHDAY, BIT<HHHHHHHHHH! Love you!