Excellent piece, Amy! I have switched to almost all female doctors over the last 10 years. It took getting a new PCP who happened to be female to make me realize what a difference it makes for me, in most cases.
Thank you for reading! It’s funny about PCPs - I had a male one for a year, and he had a great bedside manner but he was far too bogged down with patients and the 15-minute increment timing of our healthcare system to spend a lot of time with me. So I switched to a woman who got great reviews. I liked her a lot, but she speed-talked through our initial appointment, I think because in my case, there is so very much to talk about now (a few years ago, I would have been a very boring patient - thanks, COVID 😠). I’m not going to switch again though. They are all frazzled. It’s our system that’s failing them. Glad you are finding more comfort with you doc choices these days 😌
A tangent to the discussion: Until November 2021, I saw male doctors. Most of them were okay; a few were questionable (mainly the gynecologists). When I joined my current healthcare group, I was assigned to a female doctor. The difference has been night and day.
With the female doctors, I feel understood. I feel I can get my questions answered more easily, especially now that I take a list of questions with me so I don't forget any of them. I don't feel patronized. The gynecological exam I had with a *female* doctor was almost pleasant! We could relate!
Since November 2021, I have been seen by two male doctors. The first was okay, but there was a brusque undertone to his conversation. The second was assisting a female doctor in a gynecological procedure I needed to have. He seemed nice enough, but I could feel the walls go up within me. I should have asked him to leave and will speak up next time.
Honestly, I don't care if that dings my chart in some way; I feel it's more important to me to speak up for myself at this point in my life, especially with my Long Covid. I'm done with feeling dismissed.
I definitely hear you, Victoria. Trust and safety in a medical relationship are hugely important. And it’s really no one’s business why you request female doctors only, unless you choose to tell them.
I have had some caring male doctors who are good listeners, and I’ve had some women who were jerks (the primary care physician I referenced in my post was a female doc I had for over 10 years, and she was rude and dismissive when my COVID symptoms lingered). I’ve also had a male doctor make a pass at me while I was on his exam table. I think I have gotten much better as I’ve gotten older at listening to my gut when it comes to which doctors to trust and walking away when it’s not right for me. I left that female doc and didn’t tell her until a year later. She was very defensive in her response to me, and that just affirmed my decision to leave.
True. Not every female doctor is "better" than male doctors. I trust my gut as well, and feeling it not clenched up at my appointments is a nice change of pace!
Forgive me for sharing yet another video link. No pressure to watch, but I just HAD to because this was the collection of voices responding to the prompt I mentioned above.🤗https://youtu.be/bvYTdG_AlSM
You’re not alone in the “pleasing patient” demeanor. I asked my original doc-series subjects what they would share with their docs if they could share ANYTHING, and many of them (especially women) shared that they often play the good patient. Which unfortunately means that the gravity of their situation can get overlooked or dismissed. I really appreciate hearing your reflections on this topic!
Great article, Amy. I recognise everything you say about having to get people to like you to get basic care. In my case, I’ve experienced it more with trying to advocate for my dad than for myself.
These days, in the U.K., the chances of actually getting to see a doctor are slim to zero. A local friend, when he requested a face to face with his own GP after multiple assessments by a practice nurse getting him nowhere, was told that wasn’t possible as his GP was now “working from home” -- in Portugal(!)
I still remember, in the good old days when you actually could get to see someone, after multiple fruitless (but very pleasant) visits to my GP trying to resolve ongoing joint pain, finally being sent for X-rays. The consultant didn’t even look at me, just read through my notes and said “I see you have a history of depression”. Umm? What the f--- does that have to do with my knee?
Of course I didn’t say that because--pleasant.
I avoid the doctor now. I have very little faith in their ability to actually help with most things. Not because they’re not capable or competent, but because they just don’t have capacity or the resources to actually do anything. I dread the day I actually NEED medical help.
Excellent piece, Amy! I have switched to almost all female doctors over the last 10 years. It took getting a new PCP who happened to be female to make me realize what a difference it makes for me, in most cases.
Thank you for reading! It’s funny about PCPs - I had a male one for a year, and he had a great bedside manner but he was far too bogged down with patients and the 15-minute increment timing of our healthcare system to spend a lot of time with me. So I switched to a woman who got great reviews. I liked her a lot, but she speed-talked through our initial appointment, I think because in my case, there is so very much to talk about now (a few years ago, I would have been a very boring patient - thanks, COVID 😠). I’m not going to switch again though. They are all frazzled. It’s our system that’s failing them. Glad you are finding more comfort with you doc choices these days 😌
A tangent to the discussion: Until November 2021, I saw male doctors. Most of them were okay; a few were questionable (mainly the gynecologists). When I joined my current healthcare group, I was assigned to a female doctor. The difference has been night and day.
With the female doctors, I feel understood. I feel I can get my questions answered more easily, especially now that I take a list of questions with me so I don't forget any of them. I don't feel patronized. The gynecological exam I had with a *female* doctor was almost pleasant! We could relate!
Since November 2021, I have been seen by two male doctors. The first was okay, but there was a brusque undertone to his conversation. The second was assisting a female doctor in a gynecological procedure I needed to have. He seemed nice enough, but I could feel the walls go up within me. I should have asked him to leave and will speak up next time.
Honestly, I don't care if that dings my chart in some way; I feel it's more important to me to speak up for myself at this point in my life, especially with my Long Covid. I'm done with feeling dismissed.
I definitely hear you, Victoria. Trust and safety in a medical relationship are hugely important. And it’s really no one’s business why you request female doctors only, unless you choose to tell them.
I have had some caring male doctors who are good listeners, and I’ve had some women who were jerks (the primary care physician I referenced in my post was a female doc I had for over 10 years, and she was rude and dismissive when my COVID symptoms lingered). I’ve also had a male doctor make a pass at me while I was on his exam table. I think I have gotten much better as I’ve gotten older at listening to my gut when it comes to which doctors to trust and walking away when it’s not right for me. I left that female doc and didn’t tell her until a year later. She was very defensive in her response to me, and that just affirmed my decision to leave.
True. Not every female doctor is "better" than male doctors. I trust my gut as well, and feeling it not clenched up at my appointments is a nice change of pace!
Forgive me for sharing yet another video link. No pressure to watch, but I just HAD to because this was the collection of voices responding to the prompt I mentioned above.🤗https://youtu.be/bvYTdG_AlSM
I’m glad you did - it reminded me to go back and find the other link you shared ☺️
The woman Jeneye said it best - good doctors lead with curiosity and humility. That really hit home for me. This video is fantastic, Kimberly.
You’re not alone in the “pleasing patient” demeanor. I asked my original doc-series subjects what they would share with their docs if they could share ANYTHING, and many of them (especially women) shared that they often play the good patient. Which unfortunately means that the gravity of their situation can get overlooked or dismissed. I really appreciate hearing your reflections on this topic!
Great article, Amy. I recognise everything you say about having to get people to like you to get basic care. In my case, I’ve experienced it more with trying to advocate for my dad than for myself.
These days, in the U.K., the chances of actually getting to see a doctor are slim to zero. A local friend, when he requested a face to face with his own GP after multiple assessments by a practice nurse getting him nowhere, was told that wasn’t possible as his GP was now “working from home” -- in Portugal(!)
I still remember, in the good old days when you actually could get to see someone, after multiple fruitless (but very pleasant) visits to my GP trying to resolve ongoing joint pain, finally being sent for X-rays. The consultant didn’t even look at me, just read through my notes and said “I see you have a history of depression”. Umm? What the f--- does that have to do with my knee?
Of course I didn’t say that because--pleasant.
I avoid the doctor now. I have very little faith in their ability to actually help with most things. Not because they’re not capable or competent, but because they just don’t have capacity or the resources to actually do anything. I dread the day I actually NEED medical help.