You better work
Dipping my toe back in. Plus, the Antidote #46: a long COVID novel, gel manicures, and music-playing mushrooms.
The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.
If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).
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Work it, girl
I’m going back to work, friends (super-duper p/t), which is at once exciting and scary. I’ve been away from work for three and a half years at this point. I have acclimated to deliciously s-p-a-c-i-o-u-s days, the kind of days that allow my nervous system generous on and off ramps from anything that requires physical, cognitive, or emotional spoons. It has been a real privilege to live this way. I fought hard for disability benefits so that I could have such days, and I believe leaving behind work stress and being able to use my days in ways that supported healing significantly contributed to my recovery.
But now it is time to stretch my capacity further. I’ve been seeing a handful of clients - some for therapy (I’m planning to convert my social work license into the kind that allows me to do therapy, and I need at least three years of client work to qualify) and some for my therapeutic coaching training program. I still find that intensive listening and talking for an hour or more depletes my energy. Actually, it probably depletes most people’s energy. What I’m talking about though is it still induces a bit of the fatigue that I had during long COVID, which is unlike the tiredness or fatigue I may have felt prior to getting sick.
The good news is it’s a milder, more temporary fatigue than the kind I used to have, and it’s slowly getting better with time and with increased exposure to cognitive activity. I’ve been careful not to schedule clients too close together on a single day, because they should not have to endure a lesser version of me due to my poor planning. But a few months ago, I wouldn’t have even scheduled two of them in the same day. Now, I can space them apart by a few hours and do just fine.
It’s also time to make some MONEY.
Did I mention I’ve been lucky to get disability benefits? Indeed I am. And, two things can be true at once, like my good fortune AND the fact that it’s been really challenging living off of such a reduced income. My two forms of disability combined pay me about one-third of what my full-time salary was. Combine that with Baldy’s planned retirement in 2020 (a week after I got the cooties we didn’t know I wouldn’t recover from for five years), and...
Finances have been, to use a technical term, tighty tight tight. Several times, we’ve had to discuss selling our home, the one we moved into only seven months before my infection. The home we love.
Baldy had to find work again. We had to cut way, way down on expenses. We racked up debt. We all but drained Baldy’s retirement account. I moved money around like it was a chess match. We’ve had a bit of support from loved ones. And thankfully, we’ve survived. I know so many others with long COVID and ME/CFS have not been so lucky, either because they didn’t start out with as much to begin with or they just couldn’t sustain their expenses because they couldn’t work and were unable to obtain disability. Unpartnered spoonies have had it particularly rough. None of this is lost on me, and if you see yourself in this paragraph, I send you all the love.
Fortunately, both of my sources of disability seem to allow a stepdown period, where they will allow you to earn some of your own money and keep theirs too (for a certain amount of time, or up to a certain dollar amount). They must have realized that providing this help to folks incentivizes them to work as much as they are capable of and to maybe someday transition off benefits entirely. That cannot be everyone’s goal, based on their disability and limitations around work, but I am hoping to make it mine.
So, I dusted off my resume and tweaked it a bit. It’s strange when you make a later-in-life career pivot, especially when most of your work experience is in an entirely different area. In my case, it’s still social work, but for two decades, I was an administrator and non-profit executive. I’m having to carefully decide how to explain a) the gap in my work experience caused by long COVID, and b) my pivot to what may seem to hiring managers as a much less…ambitious? hierarchy-ascending? form of social work. In other words, I intentionally stepped off the ‘getting ahead’ ladder and to most of our society, that doesn’t compute.
I would seem bizarrely overqualified if I didn’t somehow explain the shift. When I was hiring staff, if I saw a resume like mine with no explanation, I’d have thought, “shit - what went wrong with her?” Like, did this chick get shitcanned (fired), have family issues, become disabled? (ding ding ding!).
Obviously, one may get discriminated against by being so open in a cover letter about their gap in employment, or why they are only seeking part-time work at this time (especially when their previous jobs were uber full-time). But one may also face that discrimination by not explaining it, so it’s a bit of a catch-22, isn’t it?
I chose to frame it as positively as I could by saying I took time off to recover from a health condition and now I’m working toward my clinical license. I don’t need to spell the whole thing out.
So, someone just this week bought what I was selling, because I got called for an interview (woohoo!). I was even honest on the phone call, stating that I needed part-time because while I am largely recovered, I am choosing to ramp up my work life in a measured way.
Interviewing at age 50, after a five-year illness journey, hits different. I’m not anxious like I used to be. I’m not telling myself that I have to present a less than authentic version of myself in order to get hired. This is who I am, and that me is pretty great. Hire me and I’ll be great for you. Or don’t hire me, because some part of my situation won’t work for you. That’s cool. You can’t win ‘em all. Someone else will be okay with meeting my requirements, at some point.
But also, here’s a few random thoughts that are wild.
I haven’t had a job interview in 11 years. Yikes? Eh, it’ll be what it is.
This job would be hybrid (some at an office, some at home). I haven’t had to think about the bottom half of my work wardrobe in five-and-a-half years.
Ugh, work pants. Do they even fit this menopausal, estrogen-estranged body anymore??
Bottom-half planning also involves…shoes. A whole other ball of wax. My work shoes are a collection that has been catching ALL the dust. I’ve been trying them on again, and some of them are just torture. I actually wore these on a regular basis for 10-12 hours a day? No longer. If they’re uncomfortable, they’ve gotta go.
But also…matching work shoes to work pants/outfits? Double ugh. Hopefully it’s like riding a bike.
COMMUTING. ‘nuff said.
Fortunately, mine wouldn’t be insanely long and it’s in the opposite direction as most, so I guess it won’t be so bad. But I’ll have to fill my gas tank more than my current cadence of once every two months.
In office days = exposure to germs. Not wild about that at all.
BUT, I am curious what it’s like to see clients in person. It’s a little disorienting at times to only know someone through video. Audio and video issues sometime keep me from understanding or ‘reading’ a person properly. I’m also trying to embrace the CFS Recovery concept that my recovered nervous system will be able to handle getting sick, as it did this summer when I got a wicked virus.
The interview: it was what it was
AND, it went well! The interviewer was super cool (a fellow ginger, how about that?) and she did not grill me. She treated me like an adult with a lot of worthwhile experience to bring to the table. They don’t mind that I need to ramp up slowly. They actually prefer that I’m more available to work afternoons and evenings. I was able to be as honest about my illness and recovery as could be, and she did not bat an eyelash about any of it.
I have a second interview next week.
I feel good about the place. I can work in the office that’s closest to my home (15 minutes away). She understood my nervousness about getting sick again and was fine with me bringing in an air purifier; she also said I could wear a mask as needed or offer one to a client.
They do in-house training for their therapists and I can get continuing education credits for that. And she said there’s very little therapist turnover there because they really let therapists manage their own schedules and meet their own needs. I can still work part-time for the therapy practice I’m with now, too, which is important to me because that’s also a place where I’m afforded a lot of flexibility and where I’m learning a lot.
I’m excited about the possibilities. I’m also nervous about handling more than two clients in a shift, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there and trust that the agency will work with me. I laid all my cards out on the table, so we will see!
COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS
💉 Vaccine news: the CDC says people must consult a health professional before COVID shot. And Moderna says updated next-generation COVID shot shows strong immune response in patients. And COVID vaccines still effective against severe outcomes.
✊🏾 Black and Latino LC advocacy: don’t miss this post, Don’t Put Your Voice on Chill, where long COVID baddie Chimére L. Sweeney announces the launch of a four-part series designed to help Black and Latino long haulers advocate for their proper care.
👵🏼 Age and long COVID: older adults less likely to be classified as having long COVID, study finds.
🚸 Youth and LC risk: kids and teens who got Covid twice between January 2022 and October 2023 were almost twice as likely to develop long Covid as compared to those who were infected once during that time.
📖 A novel about long COVID: Patricia Lockwood explores the depths of long COVID in the new novel, Will There Ever Be Another You.
🧑🏻🏭 Medicaid work requirements: will devastate people with ME/CFS, long COVID, and other invisible disabilities (free MedPage Today account required).
💊 NMN supplements: determined to be lawful in dietary supplements by FDA. Some of us long haulers were taking this supplement a few years back before the FDA banned it. Well, now it’s back. And here’s some info on it from Healthline: within your cells, NMN is converted into another molecule known as nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD). Your body needs NAD for a variety of functions involved in metabolism and energy production.
👃🏻 Post-COVID smell loss: may be more widespread than recognized (free MedPage Today account required).
🗺️ ME/CFS and LC tool: check out this post by Lauren, The Wellness Aesthetic on RTHM’s AI powered “Health Roadmap” tool, which is free and which Lauren has been using on her own journey with these illnesses.
Resources
🍽️ Cookbook for spoonies (for everyone, really): the wonderful Rachel Riggs, featured here before in The Tonic, has finally had her beautiful cookbook In Good Health published. My copy arrived and it is a work of art. The recipes are healthy and relatively easy. I’ve already been using post-its to bookmark what I want to try. Anyway, Rachel wrote this blog post for Health Rising if you’d like to learn more. In Good Health: How Chronic Illness Redefined My Relationship with Food.
💻 RECOVER seminars: join RECOVER for the next R3 seminar, “Social determinants of health and Long COVID: Insights from the RECOVER observational studies,” to be held Tuesday, October 14th, 2025, at 12:00–1:30 pm ET. Register here. Also, their seminar on Long COVID in Older Adults will be on Tuesday, October 28th at 12pm ET. Register for that one here.
💤 Menopause and sleep: join Let’s Talk Menopause for a webinar entitled Tired of Being Tired? to be held on Thursday, October 16th from 12-1pm ET. Register here.
😖 Anxiety: the three types and how to identify them, by Alex Howard.
🤤 What keeps long Covid and ME/CFS alive?: a video by Raelan Agle.
Health miscellany
🍬 Blood sugar: 18 snacks that can help you lower it.
🥤 Liver disease: both diet sodas and sugary drinks raise the risk of non-fatty liver disease by up to 60%. Ouch.
🩸 Menopause care: why it’s still 30 years behind and what you can do about it, a post by Flourishing Third Wellness.
🍸 Drinking and dementia risk: there are no safe levels to consume, sadly.
🤬 Government fuckery: no shortage, once again. Social Security plans to make it harder to get disability benefits. Harder than it already is? Mind-boggling to me. ACA Marketplace Premium Payments Would More than Double on Average Next Year if Enhanced Premium Tax Credits Expire. And Federal shutdown hurts Native Americans, because this country hasn’t caused them enough anguish. My Equity Research Is Being Censored. I Knew This Day Was Coming. And Adult Trans Care Under Fire: ‘Devastating’ Impacts for Those Who Lose Access. Can you imagine not being able to live the truth you’ve been living? And the persecution and control of women continue: Over 400 pregnancy-related prosecutions occurred after Roe v. Wade was overturned. And state-specific fuckery: Planned Parenthood officials say Missouri is seeking abortion patient records. And finally, internationally: Myanmar’s children suffer as US aid cuts take hold. America: making lives worse at home and abroad.
💪🏽 Fighting back: now for some encouraging bits. Psychiatrists call for RFK Jr. to be replaced as health secretary. And the many ways Democrats are actually “doing something” to obstruct Trump. And this one had its bummer moments, but was really a fascinating, sweeping look at history: How societies can recover from the brink of crisis.
🚶🏼♂️ Walking: does faster or farther deliver more results?
💅🏼 Gel manicures: are UV nail dryers safe? When I was gainfully employed, I used to get regular gel manicures, which is probably why I have the hands of a 75yo at age 50. But since the pandemic started, I’ve been doing my nails at home (my go to polish is Essie Expressie because it dries fast and lasts a week, on average).
🩻 What happens in vagus: do at-home vagus nerve stimulation devices work?
Inspiration & Recovery
💥 Avoiding push-crash: here’s Lauren, The Wellness Aesthetic again with a fantastic recovery-oriented post on how she has minimized flares and post-exertional malaise.
🧘🏻 Toward wellness: Jackie Baxter, who records The Long COVID Podcast, did a short episode on the liminal space between illness and wellness. Check it out on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your pods.
🪸 Being moved to change: an inspiring post by Brianne Alcala.
🐧 A flightless bird who is determined to fly: a short, amusing video.
🦸🏻 Pharmacist-as-Superman: donning his suit yet again.
🌟 What Do You Have To Lose?
🛞 Bad pasta shapes: why do they exist? (and I agree: penne is terrible).
🐻 Fat Bear Week: a big boi named Chunk won!
🚘 Drive these into the ground: here are the cars that tend to last more than 250,000 miles. I had a Honda go to 207k once, and Baldy had a Hyundai (much lower down on the list) make it to almost 300k.
🐒 RIP, Jane Goodall: what an extraordinary life she lived. Here are the three ways she changed science.
🍄 Mushroom music: enjoy this video of a mushroom in the wild hooked up to play music. So cool!
🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: I went online just now to look for this week’s buffoon, and this is the first thing that came up: Trump says Nobel Peace Prize winner Machado accepted the award for him. My god, hasn’t this needy attention-whore taken enough things away from women??? DJT once again for the “win.”
🏆 Winner of the week: it’s billionaire MacKenzie Scott, who got a godzillion dollars from Jeff Bezos in their divorce and is doling gobs of it out to worthy institutions. This time it’s $70 million to the United Negro College Fund to support historically Black colleges. Redistributing wealth and supporting excellence at the same time. Good on you, Mac!
🐈⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump.
Thanks for the shout out and best of luck on your return to work journey!
I think any of us who have done remote work (telemedicine) can identify (and laugh along with) the bottom down dilemma! Thanks for "seeing me."
Also found the links helpful, particularly the VA study and keeping up with vaccinations, will include that in next month's Covid wrap up. Have a good weekend if you can!