What can you dial back?
Adding more ease to our days. Plus, the Antidote #47: ME/CFS blood test, the shingles vaccine, the power of subtle change, and...foster cats!
The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.
If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).
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Is there an issue in your life you’ve been wanting to work on, but don’t want the commitment of long-term, traditional talk therapy? Then therapeutic coaching may be right for you.
Therapeutic coaching is a blend of life coaching and therapeutic techniques, focusing on both personal and professional growth while addressing underlying issues, like stress, anxiety, burnout, or relationship issues, to name a few. As a solution-focused practice, therapeutic coaching aims to empower clients who are at a crossroads or feeling ‘stuck’ in some way to identify their goals, determine past or current issues that may be barriers to reaching these goals, leverage their personal strengths, and take proactive steps towards achieving their desired outcomes.
I am currently a student in the final stages of training in therapeutic coaching, and my fellow students and I are seeking folks who would be interested in receiving short-term services (6-10 sessions). These services are totally free of charge and our work as students is overseen by experienced supervisors. No matter where you are in the world, we can help (mostly in English, though some of our coaches speak other languages).
Criteria:
Must be over the age of 21
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Dialing it back
I am ridiculously good at parallel parking.
If I had to guess, I’d say I nail it on the first attempt 94% of the time.
Passengers often marvel at my skills.
I don’t even use the back-up camera that comes with my car. I pull up to the car in front, line up our side mirrors, drive straight back about a foot, and start turning the wheel. Instinct tells me when to turn it the other way, and voilà! I wind up about six inches from the curb almost every time. I breeze away from the car to head to my destination on foot feeling all smug and cocksure. Nothing can bring me down after. NOTHING.
Except…remembering what I suck at. Like, suckity suck suck. And that is (among other things) backing my car straight into a parking space.
Yup. I cannot for the life of me simply back straight into a space. I end up crooked EVERY DAMN TIME. I use the backup camera, or I don’t. Doesn’t matter. I never, ever nail it perfectly, or even decently. I wind up making sometimes three or four adjustments just so I can walk away from my car not feeling completely embarrassed, or so that passersby don’t go, “look at the way that asshole parked!” (you know you’ve said this before about someone, probably many someones).
Well, maybe not like an asshole. I don’t park like this, for example.
As I’m always telling Baldy whenever he curses out another driver on the road, “asshole implies intent; that guy was just stupid.”
Let me revise.
It shouldn’t be so complicated. Parallel parking has 5-6 times as many steps as just backing in straight. So why does it have to be so hard?
Answer: I do not know. It’s not for lack of trying or even practicing. There is no good reason why I should be epically good at the way more complicated going-in-reverse maneuver than the extremely simple one.
But it had me thinking this week about how we often over-complicate what could be really simple in life. And we often do so to our detriment.
We don’t really intentionally do this, not most of the time. But often it takes someone pointing it out for us to recognize it. A few recent examples:
I was on a Zoom last month with one of my coaching classmates, catching up on the goings on in our program, when all of a sudden I got an alert that I had a Zoom session with one of my coaching clients in five minutes. I panicked! I forgot I had a session with her that week and thus I didn’t do any prep for it. I pulled myself together and not only got through the session, it wound up being possibly our best session up to that point. After I told my classmate this, she said, “it’s because you didn’t have time to overthink it.” Bingo!
I cook Baldy eggs for breakfast on his days off. Recently he asked if I’d switch from over easy to scrambled for a bit. No problem. I sauteed some onions and cooked the eggs, adding some salt, pepper, and dill to jazz it up a bit. A few days ago, he thanked me for the eggs, and requested them plain from now on, with just a little salt and pepper. It never occurred to me that he wouldn’t want them tastier (or what I would perceive as tastier). I told him I was using this as an example in my post this week on dialing things back.
Also, I’d say my recovery in general. I concentrated so, so hard on finding the right doctors, chasing down any treatment with any potential, tracking all my symptoms, monitoring my FitBit and Visible wearable constantly, focusing on anything and everything long COVID related. Until recovery video after video began advising me to slowly loosen my grip, to scale back on largely unhelpful doctors’ visits, to stop tracking my symptoms by hand every night, to stop analyzing what was causing each and every symptom or flare up, to take off my wearables. My recovery only took off after I began implementing these dial backs.
A great example of someone who has been intentional about not overthinking something is Anne Kadet of the fun and wonderful CAFÉ ANNE newsletter here on Substack. She eliminated daily decision fatigue by completely simplifying her wardrobe, wearing THE SAME THING EVERY DAY. I know, right?? Bonkers. But also pretty brilliant. Check out her post here:
How this all relates to how I’m living these days
Recovery from this seemingly intractable hellscape of an illness has pretty significantly shifted my perspective on many things.
Remember last week’s post on that awesome job interview I had and my laidback mindset around the whole thing? Here’s how that sitch played out in the end: I had a great second interview, after which I received an email from the owner of the therapy agency saying that the p/t role they had available was for Thursdays and Fridays and I would have to see 8-9 clients a day. The old, dysregulated me might have tried to make that work. The new me? Hell to the no. I have only recently started being able to see two clients in the same day, spread out by a few hours.
I am not willing to rush the tail end of my recovery, nor my transition back into working life. While I had been upfront with both interviewers about my recovery and my daily caseload limitations, it must not have gotten to the boss in that level of detail. So I wrote a very respectful email explaining that I needed to be more intentional about ramping up my work hours and thus could not accept the position as it was presented.
The boss lady replied very kindly; she appreciated my honesty and my willingness to protect my health. She said they would keep me in mind if they got more referrals for virtual/remote therapy work, which would allow me to see 3-4 clients in a day. I thanked her and that was that.
I am already pretty dialed back with regard to my professional life; I am enrolled in my coaching course and easing into taking new therapy clients. But this was an example of me letting an opportunity go because it would require me to dial up too quickly. And I felt good about this decision.
A few days later, I applied for two other positions that would allow me to start at 12-15 hours a week, spaced out over however many days I want. I had initial screening interviews with both this week, and a second interview with one. Both look promising, and I am feeling very much like the universe will send the right thing my way at the right time. Passing on an opportunity that isn’t the right fit will just leave space for something that is.
And then there’s my new habits, designed to have me intentionally stay dialed back from the frenetic pace life can take:
I schedule nothing before 10am, if I can at all help it. I usually wake up these days between 8-9am and proceed to have what I like to call “slow coffee mornings,” where I give my brain and nervous system a chance to come back online after being offline overnight. I sit on my couch, sometimes with a kitty on my lap (sometimes two if they cram in), sipping my coffee and playing NYT word games on my phone. (Gone too are the days of waking up (early or not) to exercise soon after waking. Way, way too jarring. I want to enjoy my exercise, not trudge through it half asleep and resentful.)
I create purposeful space in my days, which gives my nervous system time to adapt between different types of activities. I may meditate, take a music break, eat a snack, or play with my cats. Along with that,
I no longer squeeze things into my schedule to accommodate others. Doing so still causes me a bit of fatigue, and sometimes mild-moderate brain fog. I will not intentionally put myself through that for someone else’s convenience if it can be avoided. And along with that,
I will not schedule coaching or therapy clients back-to-back. This one is for me, yes, but it’s also for the clients. Who wants a coach or a therapist who isn’t clear-headed and tuned in because they’re fatigued or foggy? The proper space in my day enables me to show up as the best version of current-day me.
I try to limit phone conversations or Zoom meetings after 8pm. I’ve noticed that my nervous system still has a hard time ‘coming down’ from the stimulation of lively conversation even by lights-out at 11pm. I also tend to have wildly active dreams after such activity, which makes me feel less rested the next morning.
I know that being able to have such habits is a privilege, since I don’t have children to tend to or other caregiving duties, and since I don’t have to work a lot right now nor do I have to work set hours. I am grateful for all of that, though because these privileges come toward the end of a five-year illness journey, they are hard won in some ways. I am however also fortunate that I can pivot my career to one that will likely allow me to keep most of these new habits intact. And that feels pretty great.
So how about you?
What can you dial back that would simplify your life or add ease to your days?
What might you be overdoing or overthinking that has you feeling dysregulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, out of touch with being present and grounded?
What new habit(s) can you create and stick to that prioritize your mental/emotional/physical well-being, however small?
Tell me more in the comments or reply to this email.
We can (gently) hold each other accountable (unless of course your new habit is to be accountable to no one, lol. RESPECT).
COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS
🔬 Blood test for ME/CFS?: what scientists think. And here’s the study.
🦠 COVID infections: are they worse this year? Here’s what doctors think.
😷 Masking: some companies are still banning the practice among employees. Grrrr…
🫄🏽 COVID vaccine in pregnancy: first trimester vax not linked to major birth defects.
😏 RFK’s long COVID consortium: it’s been a month, and we still don’t know much about it.
Resources
😔 Grief and chronic illness: a workshop with Marisa Renee Lee on Tuesday, October 28th from 3-4pm ET, hosted by #MEAction. Learn more and register here.
😋 Chickpea brownies for spoonies!: check out Gourmet Spoonie’s post and gluten-free recipe here.
🛳️ COVID conscious travel: Accessible Escapes LLC provides access to COVID spoonies who want to experience the joys of travel but do it safely. Their latest post reviews a recent cruise they took on Virgin Voyages Brilliant Lady.
🎭 Emotional resilience vs. emotional processing: coach Junior Ky from CFS Recovery breaks down the difference.
Health miscellany
🧑🏼⚕️ Dr. Google: should I tell my doctor that I consulted the interwebs? (my take: if your doc’s ego is too fragile to handle you seeking out your own information, change docs - if you can).
😑 Medical gaslighting: while we’re on the topic of untoward docs, here are six ways to protect yourself from it, but Dr. Eleanor Stein (if you prefer to watch or listen to this instead of reading, here’s a link to Dr. Stein’s video tip of the month on the same topic).
🤘🏼 Lead in protein powders: here’s why you shouldn’t panic (check out the cute rock-out emoji I was given when I typed ‘metal’ into the emoji search 🤭).
💉 Shingles vaccine: tied to drops in heart disease, dementia, and death. I’ve been holding off at the suggestion of my functional medicine doc, who said he’s seen some bad reactions in long haulers, but as I gain more strength in recover, I think I’ll move toward getting this soon.
🏓 Pickleball eye injuries: they’re rising alongside the sport’s popularity. I’ve been taking lessons and playing in a weekly league but I already wear my glasses so I can see (my BFF wears frames with no lenses just to protect her eyes! she’s so clever…and great at pickleball…and taught me how to play…and I adore her!).
🤬 Government fuckery: here we go. Premium increases: What to know about the ACA drama as posting rates begin. And hospital-at-home program collateral damage of the shutdown. And declining medical school diversity thanks to the Supreme Court striking down affirmative action. LGBTQ+ youth mental health is getting worse, according to a study by The Trevor Project, and I’m putting it here because take a guess as to one reason why these kids are suffering?! And be wary of Newsom; he’s got some sick burns of the orange menace, but after chiding Democrats on transgender politics, he vetoed a key health measure.
💪🏽 Fighting back: local health leaders rebuke federal vaccine policy. And ACOG leads coalition of 20 medical organizations in amicus brief stressing safety, efficacy of COVID-19 vaccines. And take this, Newsom: no one was helping Black transgender youth. So these parents stepped in. And take this, too. Me at No Kings last weekend.
🚶🏻♀️ Ditching high intensity: women (including me, and my sister) are switching to walking and weights. Also, what’s with weighted vests?
🎃 Pumpkin seeds vs. chia seeds: they both have benefits, so you don’t have to pick!
🤳🏻 Social media use: linked to lower reading, memory scores in preteens.
🙉 Misophonia: having strong negative reactions to certain sounds is linked to mental inflexibility. I have an n=1 here at home that confirms this! (love you, honey).
🚫 Wellness influencers and misinformation: Unbiased Science with a great post debunking a bunch of recent bad info. (Also, I love this description of what they’re doing: “At Unbiased Science, we try to be the Jim to wellness marketing’s Dwight…holding up the camera with a knowing look while calmly explaining that no, your tampons are not plotting your demise.” Haha, brilliant!).
Inspiration & Recovery
🌟 Seven things: that took the brilliant Amber Horrox ✨Warrior Within✨ beyond what was believed to be medically possible.
📖 Recovery journal: check this out - a fellow ‘thriver’ of mine from CFS Recovery created this beautiful guided journal to help folks heal from anxiety, burnout & chronic fatigue.
⬆️ The power of making subtle change: a wonderful post by Zan Tafakari.
⛰️ From long COVID to hiking mountains: Harry Boby with an inspiring video!
🧠 Neuroplastic symptoms: five things you should know, from Dan Buglio of Pain Free You.
💰 Book math: my goodness, I had no idea just how much Amazon screwed over authors. Check out Aubrey Hirsch’s ingenious graphic post on this. And buy your books direct from the publisher (or from Bookshop.org, which at least benefits local bookstores instead of further lining the pockets of a godzillionaire).
🥵 Menopause rhapsody: hilarious!
🐿️ Splat!: Chicago’s beloved ‘rat hole’ was actually made by a squirrel.
🎉 Fun shop: check out fellow Substacker Jess Stride’s Redbubble shop here. Some really colorful and joyful items! Great for unique holiday gifts.
📊 China’s new underwater data centers: could slash power by up to 90%. This kind of blew me away!
🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: sorry folks, but it’s our extremely mature dicktator once again for the win. Donald Trump posts AI video of himself bombing protesters. The headline forgot to say he bombed us with SHIT. Lord knows between him and his cabinet of deplorables, he’s got enough of the brown stuff on hand to get the job done. To be so fragile and yet have so much power…so dangerous.
🏆 Winner of the week: is Natalie Grabow, the 80yo who just made history by finishing an Ironman. (These headlines like to say “80yo grandmother,” as if being a grandmother somehow makes this feat more amazing, but I call bullshit on tethering this woman to her progeny’s progeny as a qualifier). Here she is looking ripped. Congrats, Natalie!
🐈⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Fostering edition.
First, check out this awesome interview that Minding Mittens by K. Colitti did with Cindy Ojczyk about the dedication and selflessness of cat fostering.
Second…drumroll, please…we’ve had our own interactions with a cat fosterer over the last few weeks, as she took care of our future (and now current!) newest family member. Say hi to Nova! She’s about 1.5 years old and has birthed some adorable kittens in her short time on this earth. We are just spending time getting to know her while we keep her separated from Fritzy and Birdie for now. She’s a real sweetheart and we can’t wait to learn her whole personality as the days and weeks unfold.
It’s great to hear about all the positive updates, Amy! I love your intentional approach to taking the next steps in your professional life. You are making me think about ways I could possibly dial things back in my own life.
"I call bullshit on tethering this woman to her progeny’s progeny as a qualifier" HEAR! HEAR!
Nova is a doll!!
Very impressed you can parallel park so well. I don't drive anymore (NYC life), but when I did, I only drove Mini Coopers and I STILL could not parallel park to save my life 😂
I'm so proud of you for advocating for yourself and holding out for a job that supports your healing!
I firmly believe that if everyone was able to experience slow mornings, the world would be a better place.